What is mindfulness? (And will it drive you crazy?)

I purchased a mindfulness colouring book recently. My mind moves often at a 100 miles an hour (yes I know I'm not special in that regard), and focus on the moment, clearing my thoughts, applying my filter(s) can be at times, difficult. So concentrating on the task at hand, surely with Faber Castells at the ready, would solve the lack of "stillness" in my daily routine? Sadly no. I've not had that much self inflicted frustration thrust at me for quite some time. Of course I didn't choose an "easy" selection of graphics, and well I wanted to "blend" colours and not have it look like a 3 year old had completed the templates. Perhaps I was missing the point?

There are different approaches to mindfulness. A great way to explain what it actually is, is probably to start with what it is not. When we don't pay attention to what is going on around us, when we operate on automatic pilot, when we go through the motions, this is indeed the opposite of mindfulness. And we have all done it.

I can't tell you how many times I have driven into my street, and can't actually remember the drive home. Perhaps considering Melbourne or now Sydney traffic, that's a good thing. But imagine if that's the way you felt about a meeting, and interaction, or your day? In other words where we really haven't paid attention to what we have been doing or saying. Rather we have just reacted with ingrained habitual responses. Without mindfulness we can not create changes in how we live our lives, which is required because of the constant interchange and exchange of experiences that comes at us each and everyday. Without mindfulness we can. It change patterns that possibly are not serving us well.

I have triggers. Throughout my life they have led to a pattern of reacting to things. The reactions have manifested differently depending on the different experiences encountered, but nevertheless they are the result of patterns. Sometimes the reactions are needed and beneficial. Sometimes they have been rather destructive. The reactions are not the problem. The habit and locus of control relinquishment is.

Has mindfulness helped? Well I don't think I'd be writing this without it.

So what is mindfulness? It's paying attention, it's being aware. It is a style of thinking. It's being actively invested in the experiences that come your way, and dealing with them in the present rather than applying old filters and patterns.

Buddhist meditation teaches one to detach your own personal filter from the experience so that the automatic reaction does not occur.

It's not easy! It is about firstly focusing your attention to the experience at hand and then being open, accepting, curious.

Researchers have demonstrated that self awareness levels and positive emotions are associated with the ability to be more mindful.

But to break old habits, when you are practising mindfulness, Shapiro and Carlson in their article "The art and science of mindfulness, integrating mindfulness into psychology and the helping professions" (American Psychological Association, 2009) listed some elements that being mindful requires. They posit that to have success in mindfulness one must be non judging - be impartial to the experience, non reactive - forget and let go of habitual responses, trust - trust you are in control of the experience and also they identify having patience as key (just to name a few).

For me it was very much about transferring the quiet stillness I feel when running track, into everyday experiences, and not reacting in patterns of the past. It was also about appreciating that what was happening now, in the moment was not something that was happening to a scared helpless 11 year old boy. And as such triggers become, well, less of a problem. Letting go of some patterns is not without it's trauma.

What's the point of it all? Well there is a connection to concepts of flow, to peak performance for individuals and for teams. There's connections to happiness and well being. There are connections most profoundly to living a better life and being closer to the person whom it is you want to be.

That old adage exists : of playing the movie of your life, and whether you are proud or not. Luckily for anyone reading this, you can throw the script out if you don't like the direction the story is heading and rewrite it. It's never too late.

Your thoughts don't need to define you

Especially if they're negative! We love the work by Susan David (CEO of Evidence Based
Psychology) and Christina Congleton, an associate at Evidence Based Psychology on how effective leaders manage their negative thoughts and feelings (Harvard Business Review November 2013).

They recognise and remind us that all of us have thoughts and feelings that can include criticism, doubt, and fear.

Where this becomes an issue is when we start believing what our inner voice is saying. What that voice is often doing is looking at a situation and working through the scenarios : akin to a process like De Bonos thinking hats, this happens though often without our conscious control and is our brain at work navigating solutions for us.

Where we come unstuck is when we don't recognise the thoughts and emotions for what they are : thoughts and emotions : they do not have to become the defining feature of us in that moment or determine our outcomes.

Being able to practice mindfulness and consciously assess the thought for what it is, is a great first step in determining our outcomes. Realising we are having a negative thought is ok as is how we feel about that thought.

David and Cohen put forth that effective leaders don’t suppress their inner experiences but rather practice emotional agility. A process where according to David and Cohen they recognise patterns; label thoughts and emotions; accept them; and act on their values.

What this relies on is a base of values that define who you are as an indvidual as a human being. What you stand for and the committment you have to those values are incredibly powerful drivers of your ability to practice mindfulness and in doing so be able to enact positive changes in your and others worlds even when the voice of doubt and potential failure enter your head.

This is about being true to yourself and that comes with the first step of knowing who you are.

Who you are is a construct of your experiences and interactions : the socialisation and combination of social structure and social engagement : but it's deeper than that : it is the very essence of not only who you are as a result but who you are wanting to be.

That's when you can reach for the positive affirmations, and the picture of the ideal you and understand where the gap is between the self you are now and the person you want to be. That defines the values you need to stay true to and the ones that will be challenged along the way.

With that clear understanding when you are challenged, fearful, anxious, conflicted or have just made a bad choice you will have the mindfulness to recognise the feeling that is out of kilter with your ideal self acknowledge that thought, accept it and take the action the positive action to rectify it and stay or move closer to the values that the ideal you embodies.

Finding Balance : A ReFocus on Priorities

Perspective.....the ability to find perspective allows you to see things as they really are. It's that ability in any given moment to step out of yourself and have a birds eye view on a situation and assess it for what it is. Perspective allows clarity of thought and that mindfulness leads to better decisions, more creativity and greater satisfaction with life.

The greatest challengers to perspective are time and awareness.

In today's unrelenting modern lifestyles the time for perspective is seldom allocated. Secondly with our minds bombarded more than ever before with information at speeds never before experienced in human history our awareness of our feelings, of situations is challenged and ignored. We become expressions of that which we have knowledge of but not necessarily understood. And that knowledge without understanding applies to ourselves.

We all understand the problem. What's the solution? Awareness is the key. But to give awareness an opportunity to change our direction, our perspective we need to allocate the time to gaining perspective.

Our advice is simple: time block it.

1) Allocate to start 10 mins in the morning and 10 minutes at night to mindfulness. This may start as simply a quiet spot where initially you don't think of anything. So don't take your smartphone with you. Now if you can't find a quiet room at work or home, then multi task. In all seriousness this might be time spent in the lavatory or in the shower. If that's all you can grab then take the opportunity.

2) Move next to assessing your life and how you feel about it. Ask yourself how you feel about certain aspects of your life, rank it on a scale of 1 to 5 and then write about what you want in the future and how you want to feel. This is a great exercise to do as a couple. The areas you are assessing include : relationships, health, fitness, philanthropy, community involvement, friends, spirituality, hobbies, work, house and home, finances, personal space, education and personal development.

3) Identify the three most important areas for you and assess whether you are spending enough time and resources in these areas.

4) By now that 10 mins hopefully has moved to 15 now you need to start a dialogue with your self and significant others : try setting time aside and this may start as only once a week that you and your partner just talk about your world and perhaps it's just as simple as a download of the week. Take turns. Listen don't solve.

5) Start focussing on what's really important (identified in 3)

Check in with PCE after a few weeks and let us know how you did.