Sunday, 3 July 2016

Is love the answer? The bizarre love triangle.

There is indeed a triangular theory on love. Sternberg, posited that love, is formed, in all instances on the emotions of passion, liking and commitment. All when combined you have what we all seek, consummate love.

For me, I approach love from two perspectives. First the biology. How does it happen, what is it's purpose, it's biochemistry, it's role in adaptation. And secondly, it's role in well being and ultimately the meaning and purpose of life. Is the need and search for love an innate biological process? Or is it something more?

Well despite many pseudo psychologists quoting examples of the love hormone oxytocin, there is in fact no single hormone or process that can account for, deliver, or be responsible for the many facets of what we know as love. Indeed that very hormone can make us feel the best of human emotions, and the worst. It can indeed promote what we consider negative feelings such as jealousy. There is a difference between love and infatuation, between losing oneself and control and being calculated and controlling (in love and in life).

Indeed many of us may have been on the receiving end of a type of love, ludus. The architect of ludus sees love as a game, a test of feelings and attraction. It is interesting to note the type of personality, perhaps a disorder here. This type of person sees it as a game. It is emotional manipulation. Having more than one partner or picking fights for reaction purposes. Often associated with childhood experiences of loss and abandonment by maternal or paternal figures, a pattern is set that becomes normal for the protagonist, but bizarre by any other measure.

For many, beyond the physical allure, the chemical overload, is the matching of values and reciprocity of affection. It's a complex cocktail that no mixologist has yet mastered and that's what makes it so surprisingly intoxicating when we come across it.

In those circumstances, self awareness, self disclosure, transparency, are all critical ingredients to stability of love, of the initial attraction. And sustainability is not the gifts that we liked, the expensive dinners, but it is the relinquishment of a degree of control that can only come when one is accepting of themselves. That's what makes love so hard to find. Know thyself is not something we've all yet mastered.

There are many theories on love. Many friends with advice. But in the end it comes down to whether in a partnership each person has the ability and the tools to reveal the magnificence of the ideal person they are with, and whether or not that person is ready to be revealed.

It is the Michelangelo phenomenon, where that statue, that magnificence is waiting to be released from the block of stone in which it sits. The sculpture is always there, but it takes a partner with the right skill to reveal it. And the stone needs to yield in the right way.

Love is the answer. The beauty and magnificence to find it is within all of us.

Monday, 27 June 2016

What is mindfulness? (And will it drive you crazy?)

I purchased a mindfulness colouring book recently. My mind moves often at a 100 miles an hour (yes I know I'm not special in that regard), and focus on the moment, clearing my thoughts, applying my filter(s) can be at times, difficult. So concentrating on the task at hand, surely with Faber Castells at the ready, would solve the lack of "stillness" in my daily routine? Sadly no. I've not had that much self inflicted frustration thrust at me for quite some time. Of course I didn't choose an "easy" selection of graphics, and well I wanted to "blend" colours and not have it look like a 3 year old had completed the templates. Perhaps I was missing the point?

There are different approaches to mindfulness. A great way to explain what it actually is, is probably to start with what it is not. When we don't pay attention to what is going on around us, when we operate on automatic pilot, when we go through the motions, this is indeed the opposite of mindfulness. And we have all done it.

I can't tell you how many times I have driven into my street, and can't actually remember the drive home. Perhaps considering Melbourne or now Sydney traffic, that's a good thing. But imagine if that's the way you felt about a meeting, and interaction, or your day? In other words where we really haven't paid attention to what we have been doing or saying. Rather we have just reacted with ingrained habitual responses. Without mindfulness we can not create changes in how we live our lives, which is required because of the constant interchange and exchange of experiences that comes at us each and everyday. Without mindfulness we can. It change patterns that possibly are not serving us well.

I have triggers. Throughout my life they have led to a pattern of reacting to things. The reactions have manifested differently depending on the different experiences encountered, but nevertheless they are the result of patterns. Sometimes the reactions are needed and beneficial. Sometimes they have been rather destructive. The reactions are not the problem. The habit and locus of control relinquishment is.

Has mindfulness helped? Well I don't think I'd be writing this without it.

So what is mindfulness? It's paying attention, it's being aware. It is a style of thinking. It's being actively invested in the experiences that come your way, and dealing with them in the present rather than applying old filters and patterns.

Buddhist meditation teaches one to detach your own personal filter from the experience so that the automatic reaction does not occur.

It's not easy! It is about firstly focusing your attention to the experience at hand and then being open, accepting, curious.

Researchers have demonstrated that self awareness levels and positive emotions are associated with the ability to be more mindful.

But to break old habits, when you are practising mindfulness, Shapiro and Carlson in their article "The art and science of mindfulness, integrating mindfulness into psychology and the helping professions" (American Psychological Association, 2009) listed some elements that being mindful requires. They posit that to have success in mindfulness one must be non judging - be impartial to the experience, non reactive - forget and let go of habitual responses, trust - trust you are in control of the experience and also they identify having patience as key (just to name a few).

For me it was very much about transferring the quiet stillness I feel when running track, into everyday experiences, and not reacting in patterns of the past. It was also about appreciating that what was happening now, in the moment was not something that was happening to a scared helpless 11 year old boy. And as such triggers become, well, less of a problem. Letting go of some patterns is not without it's trauma.

What's the point of it all? Well there is a connection to concepts of flow, to peak performance for individuals and for teams. There's connections to happiness and well being. There are connections most profoundly to living a better life and being closer to the person whom it is you want to be.

That old adage exists : of playing the movie of your life, and whether you are proud or not. Luckily for anyone reading this, you can throw the script out if you don't like the direction the story is heading and rewrite it. It's never too late.

Time for positivity?

The bandwagon has arrived and I'm jumping on. Or so it may seem. It appears if anyone and everyone who has read an idiots guide to positive psychology is turning themselves into key note speakers, quoting the same studies about cortisol and oxytocin and about the amygdala and neuro plasticity. And you know what......good luck to them. If they can earn a dollar and possibly get some inquiring minds to investigate positivity in their own lives, well then kudos to them.

But make no mistake, what they are espousing is nothing new. Theories of happiness and well being, and what delivers these often subjective measures of life satisfaction have changed little since ancient times and the days of philosophers such as Socrates, Plato and Aristotle.

Socrates believed that the quest for happiness was only delivered by knowing oneself, or in other words by self awareness of self and virtue. This was expanded on by Plato who suggested that that awareness needed to be beyond the sensory self and in fact required a deeper investigation. And Aristotle looked at values, self discipline, and the balance of virtues in a quest towards the good life.

As theories expanded through the enlightenment, the 50s, and then with the humanistic psychology movement, one of its guardians Maslow, entitled a chapter of his 1954 book (Motivation and Personality) : Toward a Positive Psychology.

So what of this modern thinking? This new positive psychology movement that talks about the left prefrontal cortex of Buddhist monks lighting up when they reach a state in meditation? What of the biochemistry of emotions?

Well it's new science. Assisted by technology, that supports the theories around happiness and well being. Yes, oxytocin is associated with social bonding, yes increased dopamine is associated with the experience of happiness and yes the brain can change during our life as we explore different skills and we can create new neural pathways and these pathways can be plentiful when we meditate or practice skills such as playing or learning music.

But here's the rub. None of these positive effects occur without individuals actually doing the work that is involved with self exploration towards self assessment and awareness. It takes work on behalf of the individual to investigate their positive self, to create plans for growth, foster relationships, to regulate behaviours, to find purpose in life and to strive to master ones environment.

Chanting "serenity now" will not deliver eternal happiness, set oxytocin flowing through your viens, light up your left pre frontal cortex or create new neural pathways.

A lot of hard work and self examination just might. So take the next presentation you see with a grain of salt, with curiosity, with critical thinking and with a notepad to write down the suggested actions you might take personally to develop positivity in your world.

If there are no suggested game plans, strategies or processes, well then seek answers from someone who has lived the journey. Not just from someone who has read a book.

Tuesday, 31 May 2016

The Psychology and Benefits of Financial Well Being and Advice

Financial planning, and the professionalism of the industry is under challenge. The challenge is not from existing clients who are actively engaged in the advice process. These clients overwhelmingly regard their advisers in the highest terms. In fact studies indicate that as a means of rating their advisers the average financial adviser attains net promoter scores in the 50’s. Further, advisers who we would regard as at the top of their game, who have developed and deliver a client centric experience, tailored to the researched needs of the individuals receiving the advice score in the 90’s.

Rather, the challenge comes from a combination of sources as the industry undergoes the FOFA series of reforms aimed at increased professionalism and improved quality of advice and to an extent this has been driven by consumer dissatisfaction and regulatory concerns over standards within the industry . What has eventuated, with this focus on the industry, has been an illumination not only on examples of best practice but also shone a light on practitioners who were not making the grade. That is what a reform process can deliver and what’s important to remember and to convey to consumers is that the vast majority of advisers enhance the lives and financial well-being of Australians.

The well-being of individuals, has become a measure of the societal progress of populations alongside measures such as GDP and life satisfaction measures focus on an evaluation of the individual’s life, for example, by asking “Overall, how satisfied are you with your life?” Individuals arrive at a summation after considering a number of important aspects such as health, family life, social relationships and finances . It follows then, as Irving (2012) points out, that Financial planning goes beyond the giving of insurance and investment advice. The process of financial planning delivers a strategy that takes into consideration all aspects of lifestyle, goals and requirements to help individuals reach their financial goals effectively and efficiently. The process of financial planning when delivered in a sequential, manner according to Irving :

• guides individuals in a goal oriented and systematic way;
• formalises behaviours for accomplishing outcomes and;
• provides a means of assessing progress.

Looking deeper at what drives human behaviour, the work of Lawrence and Nohria , identifies at least four hardwired innate drives that shape our behaviours and choices. Those elements, the drive to acquire, learn, bond and defend, fit neatly into the advice process as advisers educate clients as part of a discovery process to illuminate what is important to the client, and provide strategy solutions that allow clients to set a foundational platform to build towards their well-being goals and desired outcomes.

It flows then that as summarised by Irving (2012), the provision of best-practice financial planning is likely to have positive influences on individuals’ well-being and life satisfaction. The actual process of planning and the manner in which it takes into account goals, wants, values and motivators is core to not only the success of the planning outcomes but the overall well-being of the client.
Crucial then, to maximise the outcomes of the process, is to unpack each step of the financial planning process and discover what best practice looks like, what the client experience is and what it needs to be during the process and how businesses can deliver repeatable, sustainable and measureable processes to enhance client outcomes.

Professionalism embodies the notions of relationship quality, communication and ethical practice , so why has the financial planning industry been unable to enshrine the concept of professionalism in the hearts and minds of consumers? The process of financial planning provides a key to answering this question. The traditional process for financial planning has at its core a simplicity and an implementation that utilizes a prescriptive software illustrated approach that does nothing to unlock the mystery that is the black box of the advice process.

What’s missing here is the positioning and context of how the process will in fact make a meaningful change to an individuals circumstances to obtain the outcomes that are important and relevant to them. The focus is on a service and not on a collaboration. Some advisers however have taken this process and created models that emphasise a focus on values and motivations .

What has occurred with these leading advice firms is that they have unpacked the advice process and connected it, demonstrably, to the outcomes the client wants. This has meant a connection illustration where the client is bonded with people ‘like’ them. Using the concepts of social proof and liking (whereby people will do things they see other people doing, particularly those people they can associate with ie: like) these businesses explain the financial planning process in ways that connect it to a path others who have gone before them have travelled. Thus the process becomes less feared and more likely in the clients mind to be able to deliver the outcome that is desired.

There is value and benefit for all parties when a process towards best practice financial planning is positioned in this way. The process has positive impacts on well-being and satisfaction with life because it addresses lifestyle aspirations, values and goals . The methods of best practice positioning of the financial planning process can be summarized into client experience checkpoints that businesses need to enact if they are to be successful in delivering the entire process and having buy-in from the client to do so:

• the firm has a concept of the types of clients they can specialize in and like working with
• the firm develops capabilities to deliver needed specialized services and resources to their desired client set
• the firm positions the typical outcomes these types of clients have in the messaging and value statements they make about the services they offer
• the firm takes new clients through a process where client stories are illuminated so that the prospective client can associate and relate to the outcomes produced
• the firm takes the time and provides the resources for clients to participate and collaborate in the advice process

Increasingly then firms delivering best practice advice are utilizing techniques and tools such as mind maps, lifestyle questionnaires, wealth indices, personality profiles and wealth choices diagnostics, to engage clients, set benchmarks for communication, engagement and outcomes and in so doing are winning the hearts and minds of clients and delivering not only financial but psychological well being outcomes.

According to the Financial Planning Association the steps undertaken by a professional adviser when advising a client are :

1. Defining the scope of engagement;
2. Identifying goals;
3. Assessing the clients financial situation;
4. Preparing the financial plan;
5. Implementing the recommendations, and;
6. Reviewing the plan.

From a client psychology standpoint at each stage of the process can be attached to an underlying factor in positive well-being. Irvings 2012 work in this regard is substantial and we have expanded further here to explain exactly how clients are feeling at each point of the process.

1. Defining the scope of engagement; This promotes positive well being as the client starts engaging with basic life tasks: clients feel competent in managing everyday life and can take advantage of new opportunities. They can organize their life, work and home situations to match their needs and values. Known as ‘environmental mastery’ .

2. Identifying goals; Clients acknowledge they have goals for their life and develop a sense of direction in working toward them. They have beliefs that support a sense of purpose in their own life and life generally .


3. Assessing the clients financial situation; A realistic appraisal of a current state of affairs and a desired state of affairs reduces (potentially) the stress and strain of financial concerns, particularly if the client can see themselves working towards minimizing the gap. As a result they can feel good about where they are at financially and accepting of both strengths and weaknesses.

4. Preparing the financial plan; The plan is the enabler of the client, with one of the major benefits of long term planning is that it enables clients to start to compensate for a lack of resources and to maximize the possibility of even achieving better outcomes than people who had those resources but didn’t make a strategic plan.


5. Implementing the recommendations; As Irving (2012) notes the implementation process sets in train the progress towards the pre-identified goals. Further, enacting positive financial behaviours is an important component in overall well-being

6. Reviewing the plan; encompasses all of the above steps, and re-inforces the positive progress and psychological benefits of the process.

Knowing these processes is not enough. What leading advice businesses do at each step of the process is to stop, review, clarify the client experience and reinforce the progress. They use claims assistance guarantee promises, client assurance messages and formal assurance communications. Further they have embedded into their client process touch points that each member of the firm understands are crucial in delivering a positive client experience in line with the journey through the financial planning process steps.


References

Kym Irving 2012, The Financial Life Well Lived, Psychological Benefits of Financial Planning, Australasian Accounting Business and Finance Journal

Paul Lawrence and Nitin Nohria 2002, Driven : How Human Nature Shapes Our Choices